I Miss Intimacy

I miss an arm brushing against mine, a gentle kiss planted on my forehead, my body pressed against yours, tenderly, yet asking for more without a word needing to part with my lips.
I miss the urge. The signals that are sent from my brain to every sensitive spot on my body. The places I crave to be touched, loved and devoured. By you.

I miss conversation, trust, openness. I miss feeling accepted and understood. I miss feeling a part of, you.
I miss looking forward to seeing you, hearing from you.
I miss it. I always will.
I miss being a part of and believing in something bigger than myself.

It’s Great Until It Isn’t

Falling in love is an exhilarating and thrilling experience. While it gives you butterflies, it may not always go the way you have envisioned it to be.

Not every relationship is constructive, and sometimes, you may realize, often too late, that you are not his priority and are just being used by him.

In the course of your relationship, you may try your best to make him happy, but you find out that it’s somehow never enough. Fortunately, there are some telltale indicators to help you figure out if he’s actually into you or just using you to satisfy his own needs.

This post brings you 20 signs that he’s using you and what to do if it’s the case.

20 Signs He’s Using You

You have just started settling into the relationship, but something feels off to you, and you don’t know why. In these times, take a step back and see the bigger picture. Some of these warning signs that a guy is just using you might be right in front of you.

1. He closes himself off

He doesn’t open up to you. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt and suppose that he’s just shy. But, as days pass, you never really get to know about his plans or his friends or his life. He doesn’t seem like he wants to share anything with you. There is a communication gap as he never expresses his strong feelings. He might often come across as angry or upset, but he won’t tell you why.

2. Your conversations are lackluster

Stimulating conversations that continue late into the night can help you understand him on a deeper level. But it doesn’t happen with your partner. He talks to you about sports, the weather, and politics, but you catch yourself looking for something more meaningful and personal. You find yourself revealing more and more about your life in the hope of getting the same insights, but it feels like he’s not into it. If he can’t have an honest conversation with you and voice out relationship concerns actively, then the bottom line is you should reconsider this relationship.

3. He doesn’t care about how you feel

He seems distant and cold. If he doesn’t get you, then he isn’t the one, and you can be sure about that. An innate understanding is necessary to build an intimate and meaningful relationship. It is the little details that count, and it is important to know about your partner to make things work in the long term, after the initial interest has faded.

4. You haven’t met anyone he knows

If your significant other introduces you to his friends, it is a sign that he is serious about you and wants a future with you. But, somehow, if you have been together for a couple of months, and he hasn’t still introduced you to his circle of friends, and you know very little about his personal life, it is a major red flag.

5. He has issues discussing commitment

Finding ways to avoid discussing commitment with you is a sure sign a man is just using you. Being scared of commitment or not wanting something serious is normal, but refusing to discuss it definitely means that he has an ulterior motive and is just leading you on. If you are not looking for something casual, get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

6. He expects too many favours

Does he always need something from you? And do you always end up picking up the bill? If so, he’s definitely not in love with you. He might say he loves you, but actions always speak louder than words. If he always asks favours from you, or if you feel you are the one doing things to make him happy and he doesn’t reciprocate, he might be in the relationship only to fulfill his personal needs.

7. He is reluctant to compromise

The reluctance to compromise is one of the most evident warning signs you’ll ever get. Whether it is work or personal life, his needs come first over yours, and he treats you like an option instead of a priority. He’s always busy, you don’t really go on any real dates together, and he gets upset if you ask for anything. These are worrying signs. A person will always make time for you and put your needs first to make you happy if they truly care about you.

8. He is selfish in the bedroom

Every relationship requires a balance. If you feel he’s just having sex and not making love to you or there’s no emotion involved, it’s a genuine problem. Maybe this can be solved if you reach out to him with good communication and some guidance. But if not, you know where you stand. Don’t let him put his own selfish needs before yours. Physical affection is an important part of any close and intimate relationship.

Bread Crumbs Look Like a Meal When You’re Starving

Breadcrumbing is a behaviour in which one person provides just enough energy, time, attention, affection, or affirming words to another person to supply some elements of being in a relationship. The other person, though, is left wanting.

I’ve seen breadcrumbing described as a form of manipulation, and I agree. I don’t think it’s always deliberate or maliciously done- but regardless of the motive, it’s hurtful.

Some signs of breadcrumbing:

They talk to you when they need something — whether that is support, sex, or they’re bored. But they are rarely available when you need them.They tell you how much you mean to them, but there is little follow-through in making plans.They’re inconsistent, and their words rarely match their actions. The conversations often centre around them, their interests, and their desires. The conversations are predominately sexual (though not negotiated to be that way). You feel bad about yourself after talking to them or spending time with them.

People who value you don’t treat you in a way that makes you feel less than or worthless. They make you feel too needy or too much while also feeling like you’re not good enough. They suddenly become interested in what you have to say and what you’re up to once you begin to distance yourself from them.

Bread crumbs look like a meal when you’re starving (when you’re lonely) — because you think it’s better than nothing. You tell yourself that being seen and being wanted some of the time is better than being completely invisible.

But do they really see you? Do they want you?

We all have times when we are busy and bogged down with life. When we withdraw and are out of emotional bandwidth to be there for others- that’s understandable, and hopefully, if someone in your life is going through this, they’ll communicate and tell you that’s what’s going on.

But repeating behaviors and a pattern of breadcrumbing speak to how they feel and think about you.

Society often tells us that being alone is shameful. If we don’t have a partner then we must not be loveable or have value. It creates feelings of being unwanted. But being alone is not the same as being lonely.

What if I told you that creating boundaries for how others treat you, communicating what your needs and desires are, and what you will and will not accept from someone allows you to make the space in your life for someone who truly wants that space. It creates room for someone who does want to see you and spend time with you. Someone who will value your energy, support, and love.

It might take time to find them. I wish I could tell you the places you could go where you would be guaranteed to meet people like this — I don’t have the answers. Until then, fill yourself up on things that make you feel good about yourself, create joy and bring you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

You are worth more than breadcrumbs. You deserve a whole fucking five-course meal.

Don’t settle for crumbs.

Don’t let someone treat you like you don’t matter.

Because you do.

You matter.

The Dark

I feel the dark trying to overtake me
Trying to steal the light I’m finding.
Those dark whispers aren’t all right.
They can’t be all right.

But what if some of them are?
What if those really mean ones are?

That I’ll always be alone?
That I’m too damaged?
That I have too much work to do?
That I’ll never be pretty enough?
Funny enough?
Experienced enough?
Thin enough?

I know I’m ill today.
I know I’m hungry and thirsty
But those are bad plans while
Everything is so upset.
I’m exhausted and sore
Body and heartsick.

And then the whispers louder.
Not lies, the truth.
Not some, but all.
That I’ll always be crying alone
Comforting myself
Being strong
All by myself
In the dark.

All alone.
As always.
In the dark.