WHY DO THEY KEEP HAVING SEX WITH YOU IF THEY’RE NOT INTERESTED OR DON’T WANT THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT?

Picture this (adopts Sophia from Golden Girls voice): You’re attracted to someone. You think they’re funny, clever, witty, and that they embody all of the physical qualities that you like. You appear to share common interests and possess a similar outlook. After a date or few, you sleep together and feel as if there’s an amazing connection. A pattern emerges. After the initial burst of calls/texts/emails and off-the-chains sex, you’re in not-knowing-where-you-stand territory. But you’re still sleeping together.

One night, lying there in the afterglow of another good session, you tentatively ask what the score is. Or, you mention a forthcoming event that you’d like them to come to with you. You want to progress things, and there’s a niggling concern that they’re using you for sex, although you really don’t want to see it this way. Every time these thoughts creep in, you remind yourself of when you were laughing a few weeks ago. You remember the stuff they talked about doing with you (but have made no moves to), or when they said that they really enjoy your company. You reason that it’s pretty obvious that you’re crazy about them, so surely they’re not stringing you along?

You’re in the Justifying Zone, that slippery slope many people go to where they look for reasons to justify their initial emotional and sexual investment instead of saying “I’m out.” Turns out, you can have sex with someone and it not mean that you’re destined to be together forever and ever.

After posing the question, the atmosphere changes. They pull themselves onto their side and look at you. “I’m having a really good time you know, but let’s not ruin things. Let’s just go with the flow.” You suddenly feel exposed and vulnerable. “What do you mean?”, you ask hesitantly. “Well… I just don’t want you to get all serious on me because, to be honest, I’m not really looking for a relationship right now… Is that OK?”

Um, well, no, it’s not OK! But what the hell are you supposed to say when you’re lying there naked in a room that reeks of sex?
As I type these words, more than a few people out there are having sex with someone with who they have more than a casual interest. Unfortunately, that same person isn’t interested in them and/or a relationship.

In an ideal world, you’d like to think that shagging each other and even buffering it with hanging out, dinners, and some contact, would be an automatic precursor to a relationship. But, it’s not.

If someone is having sex with you and they’re not interested, or they don’t want to have a relationship, it’s because in their mind it’s a casual relationship. They may overvalue what they bring to the table, assuming that because they’re having a good time, that you’re grateful they’re breaking you off a piece.

It’s actually pretty ridiculous that someone who, for instance, has the cheek to tell you that they’re not interested, still wants to exchange bodily fluids. That they’d expect you to engage in all sorts of sexual acts. Why don’t they skip on down the road to someone else and leave you to put your time, energy and, um, bodily fluids elsewhere?

Unfortunately, there are more than a few people out there who like the idea of sleeping with someone who seems crazy about them and believes that the relationship is going somewhere. It’s an effed-up power trip. It also allows them to be uninhibited and let their real sexual self hang out because they don’t care. They feel as if they have no responsibilities and you’re just this sexual plaything. Yep, pretty damn degrading.

Not wanting a relationship but still sleeping with you while doing dating actions, messes with your head.

It looks like a relationship and in your mind, feels like a relationship, but it has the hallmarks, not the landmarks of a relationship (commitment, progression, balance, intimacy, and consistency, plus shared values, love, care, trust, and respect). It’s casual.

While some are upfront, others don’t say anything until they really have to. This is typically around the time when you want things to progress or are looking for clarification. They might kid themselves, insisting that they initially genuinely wanted a relationship, but at some point, they changed their mind. And didn’t give you a heads-up… This removed the opportunity for you to decide what you do or don’t want to participate in. It’s also a case of, why endanger the good time…and why create conflict. So they say nothing.

People who claim to have “changed their mind” but said nothing, weren’t genuinely in the market for something more.
On the flip side, so many people hear “I don’t want a relationship”, “I’m unavailable” or “I’m not interested/a jackass”. And they ignore it. Why? Because they focus on the action. They think, “Well we’re having sex, they still text me, and we have so much fun together, so obviously they do want a relationship.” No, they don’t. Actions and words must match. No match, no relationship.

So many people ask, “Why are they still having sex with me then?”
“Having” implies that you have nothing to do with it. Like you’re helpless to a shag machine and that you don’t have any say in what does and doesn’t happen. It’s as if you don’t need to read any hints because nudity’s involved.

You should be asking “Why are we still sleeping together if they have shown or communicated their disinterest? Why am I still there if they’ve shown or communicated that they don’t want the relationship that I’ve said I want?“

Answer this question and you can start stripping the illusions out of this involvement. You can take action that gives you back your power.

Some people will chance their arm. If they can get what they want, they’ll take it. It’s not cute, it’s not cool, and it’s actually disrespectful. This is why you shouldn’t use sexual involvement as a barometer for the relationship you want. Def-in-ite-ly not for what you perceive someone’s feelings to be! It also doesn’t matter if you want more. If they don’t and you continue to sleep with them, they assume you are on their terms.

Not only are sexual organs poor judges of character, but sex should never be used as a basis for working out what the hell is going on in your relationship.

If you’re defaulting to sex, it’s because the relationship is lacking on other fronts.
It’s very difficult to gauge someone’s true character and intent immediately. Time and experience demonstrate this. Avoid ‘negotiating’ with sex. Some folk would sell their mama for sex! At the very least, they’d sell you a big dream and a fake persona to get you into bed.

The struggle is real..

I’m literally a walking contradiction, I’ve had to be fiercely independent from a young age which over the years has made me build up this gigantic wall and never allow myself to rely on another person emotionally, financially and in general life and happiness.

On the flip side of this, I’m extremely needy, I crave affection, intimacy and love, and to be cared for when I most need it, This is where the struggle begins, how do you open yourself up to receive these things that you desire when your head won’t let you.

This contradiction is the hardest when I consider the kind of relationship that I want, how can I give myself to someone in a dynamic, how can I turn off that switch in my head to fully trust that they have my best intentions, how can I let my guard down to let them take care of me, how can you be your your most vulnerable self when you’re so used to doing it all on your own.

The struggle!! 😤

Silence should NOT be a weapon

I recently had an incident where I let someone down. It wasn’t intentional.

What I have received is the punishment of silence.

While in this instance it was a true misunderstanding, it triggered me into thinking about how many times in the past people have used their silence as a punishment for my actions.

When is it punishment versus needing space?

My situation helped illuminate this distinction in my mind perfectly, which is:

NEED FOR SPACE

communicated as such.They also inform their other of the general reason why they need space. The intention is for the person to come back in a better headspace to address the problem.

In other words – It’s for THEM and it’s POSITIVE.

PUNISHMENT

not communicated.Rarely EVER have I heard of someone announcing “I’m going to give you the silent treatment”, so taking that off of the table, you may get a quick “bye” or other indication that they’re not in a car accident.  However, you’re not informed of why the person left nor the purpose. You’re only informed that you’ve been given their silence.

In other words – It’s for YOU and it’s NEGATIVE.

Why is it so bad?

Let’s make a list!

The other person is now focusing on themselves rather than the problem they caused you and how to fix it. The other person is likely now angry themselves, creating two problems instead of one.  If the other person has fears of abandonment (which let’s be real is most of us), you’ve likely now triggered some anxiety and less rational thinking. The person now has an example of your anger having consequences that they can’t foresee or control. (also known as – they prooooobably gunna start hidin shit from you so you don’t get so mad.)  You’re causing them to fill in the gaps of what might be wrong.  Likely it’s way worse than what is wrong and it can create extreme anxiety.  So what should I do instead?

I’ve mentioned it above, but to reiterate, I am pro “taking space”. I do it a LOT. And it can be healthy.

When:

you communicate to the other person what’s happening.you communicate that you will and try to use that space as a way to focus on getting your own head straight and REDUCE tension, not add to it.you (at least somewhat) let them know the cause of your emotional state, or at minimum, that YOU’RE in an emotional state you want to change in yourself. That it’s not about THEM.  Moral of the story is

I believe everyone has ownership of their time and energy. They don’t need to let people in, particularly when they’re in a headspace that isn’t clear.

However, the above are signs of respect.

And if we’re talking about this happening with a partner or friend (which is the context I’m discussing, not random internet trolls), you showing respect to them to communicate your need and yourself by taking space is the best start to resolving the conflict.

Givers and Takers

There’s usually a giver and a taker in a relationship. But what does that mean? And if you’re a giver, we’ll tell you how to stop so you can be happy.


Sometimes, first impressions can fool us. We meet someone who we think is amazing, funny, and kind when they’re really self-centered and narcissistic. Sure, we may see small signs of a taker in a relationship, but we’re so charmed by them that we ignore those red flags.


Of course, what happens is we end up getting sucked into a one-sided, unhealthy relationship. As you can imagine, we’re talking from experience. It happens to the best of us. It’s another lesson to learn.


But, what’s important to recognize is if you are in this type of relationship, irrespective of whether you’re the giver or taker. Because either way, help yourself and get out of unhealthy relationships.


What is a taker in a relationship?


In a relationship, there should be a perfect balance between giving to the other person and taking from them. However, this rarely happens.


Usually, the relationship is lopsided where one person is more of the taker and the other is more of a giver. The taker gets the energy and emotional investment of the giver. 


For example, a taker will sit back and let the giver do all the work in the relationship. Whether it’s cooking, cleaning, or something else, the taker doesn’t see any problem with it. They will also probably let the giver buy them things and take advantage of them financially too.


The bottom line is this – the taker takes advantage of the giver. They are ridiculously selfish.


What is a giver in a relationship?


The giver is convinced that there are no limits in love, so they keep giving to the taker. Sometimes a giver makes their partner the centre of their world and reason for living. They think they are everything they want and need. But this is very unhealthy.


The giver will do anything for the taker. They think this is the way they should express their love. However, they get nothing in return from the taker. 


The bottom line is this – the giver is too selfless and gets taken advantage of by the taker. And they end up being a doormat. 


Givers and takers as a couple


When you give someone a gift, it’s usually expected that they give one in return, right? Just like on Christmas or another holiday where gift-giving is normal.


This is how a healthy relationship should be – an equal balance of giving and taking.


There are some people who are just givers by nature. In other words, giving to other people is just part of their personality and how they prefer the dynamics of a relationship to be. They like to give because it increases their self-esteem and makes them more positive. It makes them happy. 


While this might sound good, sometimes the takers or “receivers” might feel pressured to give because the giver is constantly doing favours for them. Normal people would feel that way, but takers usually don’t.


If the taker never reciprocates, then the giver can find themselves in a situation where many of their actions aren’t valued or recognized.


Everything they invest in the relationship – time, affection, and energy will never be returned. And after a while, they feel like they are being used and their self-esteem actually goes down as a result!


The important thing to remember is that all healthy relationships have a sense of reciprocity.


15 signs of a taker in a relationship


If you’re a taker, you may not see this as an unhealthy relationship, but it is. Don’t you want to be in an equal and loving partnership? Relationships aren’t about having someone slave over you.


And if you’re a giver, don’t you want to be loved and treated with respect?


This is your chance to see if you’re either one of these types of people, so you can work on yourself and become a better and whole person.


Isn’t that what life is all about? Becoming the best version of you? Yes, it’s cheesy, but these cliché lines have a point to them.



So, are you a giver or a taker? 


1. The taker needs support but never gives


The beautiful part of a relationship is that you have someone who will support you no matter what, and vice versa. But in a give/take relationship, the support is only one-way.


The taker will ask and demand support for their partner, but will not provide support to their partner. 


2. The taker always must make the first move


One of the partners is always the person to make plans. The other partner will either accept the plan or not but never make the plan themselves. And this is a problem. As a couple, both people should make and talk about plans. One person cannot be waiting to see what’s going on.


3. The giver is a maid


Yes, the giver is a maid. As a taker, the taking partner is not into cleaning up after themselves because they have someone who does their dirty work for them.


For givers, they want to


please their partners. Sadly, this means the giver will literally do their laundry, even clean their partner’s bathroom.


4. The giver pays for everything


If someone is a taker, they won’t take their wallet out and pay for a meal or movie tickets. Why would they?


Everything has been handed to them on a silver spoon. They’re spoiled and entitled. As a giver, this person will be the one who’ll go broke to make the other person happy. 


5. The giver is never doing enough


If you’re a giver, you’ll never do enough for a taker. You could fly to the moon and back; that still wouldn’t suffice. Givers are never recognized for their effort.


Instead, the taker will manipulate them, making them do even more and more. Obviously, the giver will burn out with time. 


6. There’s a lot of double texting


Is someone in your relationship double texting all the time? Either way, it’s not a good sign. Someone who double texts their partner frequently does so because they’re not getting an answer.


If you’re not replying or taking 


If you’re not replying or taking hours to reply to your partner, it’s one of the clearest signs of a taker in a relationship and you’re not giving much attention to the needs of your partner. 


7. The taker doesn’t show much affection


Why would they show affection? They’re not appreciative of what their partner is doing. Instead, they make their partner feel like a slave.


If the giver wants affection, they must come and ask for it. That being said, it doesn’t mean they’re going to get any.


8. The taker never initiates sex


Again, why would they? They get everything they want without lifting a finger. Sex is a chore for them. And if the taker feels horny, then they’ll come and get what they want. But it’s always on their terms, and they’re never up to talking about it. 


9. Date night is a burden for the giver


It could be you or your partner, but there is one giver who needs to make date plans. They research and arrange everything, while the other person sits back and waits to be served. One of the two people obviously has it a lot easier than the other. 


10. The giver’s needs are ignored


We all have needs, whether we’re in a relationship or not. But, when you get into a relationship, sometimes your needs are overlooked. It happens, and that’s when you talk about it with your partner.


But a taker has no intention to focus on the giver’s needs in the relationship. They only want the giver to focus on their needs.


11. The giver spoils their partner with lavish gifts


We don’t want to say it’s all of the giver’s fault, but they don’t make the situation easier on themselves. The giver shows their partner that they love them. They buy expensive gifts to surprise them. And of course, the taker likes it.


But, if the person receiving the gifts unhesitatingly accepts any gift but never reciprocates the same gesture, it’s usually one of the clear signs of a taker in a relationship.


12. The taker needs the spotlight


It’s all about them. As a giver, you may have an issue you want to talk about or even something to celebrate, but your partner won’t let you have that moment.


A taker needs constant attention and will make sure the conversation is always centered around them.


13. The taker will never go the extra mile


A giver will surprise their partner with unexpected gifts and remember the small things going on in their partner’s life.


But the taker will never go the extra mile. If they do, their partner will always be reminded of it. It’s not something the taker will do naturally; rather, it’s strategically done. 


14. The taker uses their partner


This is essentially what it all comes down to. A taker in a relationship will suck out and drain all the goodness from their giving partner until they’re no longer needed or until the giver puts their foot down. The taker is really only available to their partner when they need something from them.


15. The taker thinks they’re a giver


The taker actually thinks very highly of themselves and twists the truth around in their head. They believe they’re God’s gift to this earth.


They make sure everyone is under the impression that they’re giving and kind when really, they’re just selfish and conceited. 


How to stop being a giver in a relationship


If you are the giver in your relationship and you feel like you’re being taken advantage of by a taker, here are some things you can do to make things better.


1. Stop doing things for them


It sounds simple, and it actually is. If you’re the giver in the relationship, just stop doing things for the taker. Stop doing the laundry, making their lunch, or rubbing their feet. Just stop. There is no reason you have to do these things. 


Hopefully, once you stop doing everything for the taker, they will notice. They might even get angry in the beginning and accuse you of being lazy or selfish. Just point out that you are just mirroring their own behavior. Then ask how they like it. 


2. Set boundaries


Have a talk with yourself and write down how far you will go with doing something. Sure, you can’t stop cleaning the house or cooking dinner. But, you can start only cleaning your own mess and making your partner clean theirs.


You have to set boundaries with a taker in the relationship, or else your partner will just keep walking all over you because you have none at the moment. 


3. Be selfish


Being selfish isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be self-love sometimes. When you give and give and give, you are depriving yourself of receiving things that you deserve. 


So, you need to start being more selfish. Once you love yourself enough, you will realize that you not only will start enjoying life more, you will be a lot happier too.


4. Learn to say no


“No” – it’s such a small word. But it has powerful implications in our life. When your partner tells you to do something for them, just say no.


Require more of your partner. Start telling them what to do. Demand more of them.


One of two things will happen. Either they will do it after seeing things from your perspective, and you’ll be happier. Or they don’t, and then you might want to think about ending the relationship for your own sanity.


After looking at the signs of a giver and taker in a relationship, where do you see yourself on the spectrum? Where do you see your partner? Self-reflect and make changes if necessary.

Am I Afraid?

Am I afraid of you?
Of what you can make me do
Your touch can weaken my legs
You grab me by the throat my heart skips and leaps
You whisper in my ear
The warmth of your breath sends chills down my spine

Am I afraid of you?
Craving you
Losing myself in you

NO, I’M NOT

I just know I have never felt this before
I know I have never been so free under your control.
Yet so safe to be my most honest self.

Maybe that is what I am afraid of…

Being taken for granted..

Have you ever been taken for granted by the one you love. Did that break your heart?

It is a general human tendency to take people for granted who love and care for you. The more you give authority of your life to someone, the more you are taken for granted.

People don’t understand that even people who love you also have their limits. People take your efforts for granted not knowing that they will soon lose someone who could have done anything for them. It is obviously heartbreaking.

You put all your soul and heart into someone and If you don’t get the same in return, it’s definitely gonna affect you deeply.

This is a lesson I have learnt. Don’t be too much attached to someone.

Always have control of your mind and heart so that If someone leaves or changes, You can continue with your life.

Bread Crumbs Look Like a Meal When You’re Starving

Breadcrumbing is a behaviour in which one person provides just enough energy, time, attention, affection, or affirming words to another person to supply some elements of being in a relationship. The other person, though, is left wanting.

I’ve seen breadcrumbing described as a form of manipulation, and I agree. I don’t think it’s always deliberate or maliciously done- but regardless of the motive, it’s hurtful.

Some signs of breadcrumbing:

They talk to you when they need something — whether that is support, sex, or they’re bored. But they are rarely available when you need them. They tell you how much you mean to them, but there is little follow-through in making plans. They’re inconsistent, and their words rarely match their actions. The conversations often centre around them, their interests, and their desires. The conversations are predominately sexual (though not negotiated to be that way). You feel bad about yourself after talking to them or spending time with them.

People who value you don’t treat you in a way that makes you feel less than or worthless. They make you feel too needy or too much while also feeling like you’re not good enough. They suddenly become interested in what you have to say and what you’re up to once you begin to distance yourself from them.

Bread crumbs look like a meal when you’re starving (when you’re lonely) — because you think it’s better than nothing. You tell yourself that being seen and being wanted some of the time is better than being completely invisible.

But do they really see you? Do they want you?

We all have times when we are busy and bogged down with life. When we withdraw and are out of emotional bandwidth to be there for others- that’s understandable, and hopefully, if someone in your life is going through this, they’ll communicate and tell you that’s what’s going on.

But repeating behaviours and a pattern of breadcrumbing speak to how they feel and think about you.

Society often tells us that being alone is shameful. If we don’t have a partner then we must not be loveable or have value. It creates feelings of being unwanted. But being alone is not the same as being lonely.

What if I told you that creating boundaries for how others treat you, communicating what your needs and desires are, and what you will and will not accept from someone allows you to make the space in your life for someone who truly wants that space. It creates room for someone who does want to see you and spend time with you. Someone who will value your energy, support, and love.

It might take time to find them. I wish I could tell you the places you could go where you would be guaranteed to meet people like this — I don’t have the answers. Until then, fill yourself up on things that make you feel good about yourself, create joy and bring you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

You are worth more than breadcrumbs. You deserve a whole fucking five-course meal.

Don’t settle for crumbs.

Don’t let someone treat you like you don’t matter.

Because you do.

You matter.

Whispers and Words

Whisper in my ear.

Tell me all the depraved things you want to do to me.

Tell me how you would use my body for your pleasure.
Send shivers down my spine.

Make my skin prickle with excitement.

My mind can’t help but immediately picture these things.

But not only do I see them. I feel them.
You have no idea what they fucking do to me.

Your words. Fuck.
Your words.

I can feel the heat radiate through my body,
Without even touching me you could make my eyes flutter.

Your WORDS have so much more power than you think.

They can topple empires.
Move mountains.

But most importantly.
They can make someone’s knees weak.

Leave her and set free the beast…

Come to me…. Leave her behind. Crawl into my bed, and curl around my warm body. Feel me arch back into you. Let it stir past sensations. Let yourself grow big at the thought of me clenching tight around you, drinking every last drop you have.

Let me degrade myself for your pleasure in ways she can’t. Let me serve those darkest needs for you.
Let us share our darkest desires.

As the beast inside awakens to its preys scent. The shift is apparent. The tightening around my wrist as you flip me around.

We are now face to face.
Prey meets beasts.
The fear. Excitement. Adrenalin coursing through us.
You illicit that growl and my body quivers.

My body aches to be touched by you.
I whine and mewl.
I’m like a bitch in heat for your touch. For you.

I want you. I need you. Tell me you feel the same. Show me you do.

Let our love burn it all to the ground. Let it engulf us. Just for this moment at least. If that is all you can give me. Give me this moment.

Leave her behind…. Just for this moment.

…one of many…

He was cruel to her but covered it in sweet caressing words. He broke her heart over and over and blamed her for it each time. She gave herself and her love, for it to be used and then discarded time and again.

Her body used and enjoyed in the moment then once again a stranger in a crowd.

How many times could she glue the pieces back? How much longer could she survive this cruel love?

She woke the morning after, a smile once again in her heart. Flutters of love and joy. Sore from the toils of passion. Each ache made her smile.

She started her day with heart both breaking and fulfilled.

The clouds had started forming which should’ve been the omen needed to pre warn her of the pain he was yet again going to unleash on her. Each time she thought “this time is different”. A fool is what she was. His fool. His tool. His free ride.

As she flicked through her usual routine of checking the news and media. There it was. The pain. Black and white and for all to see her as the fool she was.

It would never be just her. She would never be enough. How many more tears could she spill. What more could she do to be enough. How her heart shredded as one of many. Her emotions played with like a toy. Her love used against her.

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return”- Eden Ahbez.

When love is one sided, one can describe it as a hellish feeling. Of having your soul dragged down by the hounds of hell themselves.

He fucked my soul how do you move on from that?

His shadows weave around me. His dark magic at work. Claiming me from the inside until I see no one but him. I am His now. I will always be His. In the years that will pass, the pain I will feel, I will always crawl back to him when he wants me. I will always wait for Him. He is a part of what makes my soul. I am not whole with out him. He carries a piece of me with him always.

How do you move on from that?

His Shame

Always being hidden. Like a secret that no one knows of.

Hiding in crevices and shadows. Always there to serve but never to be seen.

The shame is too much for anyone to know I exist. Is it the way I look? Is it how I speak? Maybe I don’t behave correctly. I’m unsure. All I know is, this is my place. The land of in between. Stuck. Held in place by a deep love, connection and devotion to Him.

Lonely, ashamed and unknown. No one knows of my existence. My love is not real to some. My love and devotion brings him shame if it is found. I am second best with an empty first place. The pain that grows from the poisoned soil, burns and weaves.

But I don’t want out. I don’t want to leave this place. For if I do, I lose him. That is worse than living in secret, in hiding, in his shame of me.

I don’t want to ruin any chance he has of happiness with the first place when they come along. But just for once in six years, I want to be first place. Just once. A message to ask how I am. Remember I am human. Remember that despite the crap I have been put through that I absolutely adore you. I want to help and do my part until my dismissal. Where I climb into the soil and make my bed with the darkness that will envelop my soul until the sun shines again and I am once again found.

I’m Fucking Tired

I’m tired. I’m absolutely exhausted. And it’s not the kind of tired sleep can fix. No, this exhaustion runs deep into my soul, in my innermost being. This exhaustion goes beyond the physical. It’s mental, emotional, spiritual. It’s a lack of joy for life, a lack of interest in anything. It’s being completely worn down by the constant battle I fight every day inside my head. It’s feeling like giving up every second and wondering why I’m still trying. It’s the depletion of happiness from my life. It’s the suffocation of energy to do even the smallest of taste. It’s me putting whatever part of me is left into things that I don’t love and that doesn’t benefit me. It’s feeling so hopeless and worthless and alone. It’s the feeling of trying so hard and putting everything I have into something and it still not being enough. It’s the never-ending train of thoughts that runs its way through my head constantly. It’s the constant worry of it I have a purpose and why am I here? It’s the self-hatred I feel so strongly that makes me hate every part of myself. It’s the question of should I really wake up and do this all again tomorrow? Is it worth it? What is the point? Because right now I don’t see one. So yeah, I’m tired.

Signs That The Person You’re Dating Is Lying To You

It’s hard to think clearly when it comes to the people we love. Our gut reaction is normally spot on. It can be completely derailed when we want to believe our significant other is telling the truth.

But people lie in relationships all the time, be they white lies, lies of omission, or elaborate fibs.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but if you really want to know if the person you’re with is being dishonest, here are 15 body and language indicators that will help tip you off.

Common wisdom says liars avoid making eye contact, but be wary if someone is trying too hard to hold your gaze.

Liars also purse their mouths – It’s a classic expression.

Liars tend to touch their face a lot (especially their nose) when they’re telling lies.

Shrugging shoulders, turning away, fidgeting, and crossing their arms are also all body language indicators that someone is lying.

If they stutter or hesitate while telling you their story, they’re most likely stalling or trying to come up with a good lie.

But a little hesitation is good if they’re recalling a memory — be wary if your significant other has a rehearsed answer to every question.

If they provide information without being asked, chances are they’re hiding something and are on the defensive.

Liars will also get really defensive when you confront them (innocent people usually go on the offensive).

Liars don’t use contractions: “I DID NOT go to the strip club last night!” or “I DID NOT have sexual relations with that woman!”.

Liars will answer your question with your exact wording, or with a different question. It’s another stalling technique.

They avoid saying “I” statements, too.

Liars often over-emphasize details in their story, even if it has nothing to do with the key issue.

They might even unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, laptop, etc.) between themselves and you.

Liars use verbal tip-offs repeatedly: “To be perfectly honest,” “To tell the truth,” “I swear on the bible,” etc.

If you’re suspicious, change the conversation abruptly. A liar will be relieved, while an innocent person will be confused.

What is Love?

Well if you are here to know the answer I am afraid you will not find it. This is just me rambling words and trying to make sense of nothing.

Does love exist? Is it true that when someone loves you they’ll stay there through thick and thing? Like always? Or is just all a delusion… a thing of the moment. I mean we love some of our relatives and our friends right? So love must exist somehow. But what about when you give your love to someone else?

When they say they love you and that you changed their life but the next thing you know they are telling you that love is not everything?

And you still will give anything and everything for that other person. If you do everything to make them feel safe, loved, and cared for. Why isn’t that enough?

Then you go into that depressive spiral thinking and questioning if they really loved you. Were any of their words true? Was is just a heat of the moment and they never really loved or caredvfor you at all? Or it was just a phase and they did indeed love you then but it ended? How to make up your mind that the person you thought was the one moved on and tells you love is not everything?

If you know the damn answer please tell me. Is hard to put a façade that everything is ok in all aspects of your life. To balance work when you just want to crumble apart. To tell your friends you are okay because you are afraid they are tired of listening to the same thing over and over again. To your closest relative so they don’t worry about you.

When the driving around the neighborhood in order to let your puffy eyes vanish some before you get home stops? When the looking at the mirror in your car at the parking lot of your work telling your self get it together bitch you have to go work you been here long enough stops? When you are thankful that your makeup hide some of that redness in your eyes. And when you try your best not to fall apart when a friend at work asks if everything is okay and give you your regular hug.

All those nights that when everyone sleeps and you turn off the TV and you just fall apart and cry until you fall asleep.

Some days are good some days are not as good. When itcall gappened so long ago but it still feels it happened yesterday. Knowing that time before you got into that fight it was the last time you would hold them in your arms, smell their cologne and taste their lips?

How to push through when everyone thinks you are okay but in reality you are very far from it?

If anyone reads this hope you have a good day and you never feel what you just read.

Mediocre

https://afragilemind.home.blog/2022/01/02/mediocre/

#reblog from the above. #gofollow @

If only she was better
Then she’d be worthy of your hand
But as it is
It’s a basic bitch
Who will wear your wedding band

The “Too Much” Woman

There she is. . . the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much.

There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes.

There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting.

She desires a lot, wants everything—too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She’ll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She’ll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This makes her dangerous.

She is dangerous.

And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much.

She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit.

Oh, that “too much” woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much.

She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches. Someone should put her back in a more respectable place. Someone should tell her.

Here I am. . . the Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions.

A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept.

I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want, and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself.

And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space.

I must.

Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries—we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We’ve been trying to stifle the Too Much Woman for ions—in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature.

And still. . . she thrives.

In my own world and before my very eyes, I am witnessing the reclamation and rising up of the Too Much Woman. That Too Much Woman is also known to some as Wild Woman or the Divine Feminine. In any case, she is me, she is you, and she is loving that she’s finally, finally getting some airtime.

If you’ve ever been called “too much,” or “overly emotional,” or “bitchy,” or “stuck up,” you are likely a Too Much Woman.

And if you are. . . I implore you to embrace all that you are—all of your depth, all of your vastness; to not hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance.

Forget everything you’ve heard—your too much-ness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things.

Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too much-ness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world.

Don’t believe me? Check this: All of your favourite women, the ones who’ve made history, the ones who’ve lent their voices for change and have courageously given themselves permission to be exactly who they are. Some examples: Oprah, Ronda Rousey, Beyoncé, Kali, Misty Copeland, Janet Mock, Mary Magdalene . . . they’re all Too Much Women.

So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel. Be.

Make your waves, fan your flames, give us chills.

Please, rise.
We need you.

Take Care

She doesn’t need you to take care of her.
But she wants you to care for her.

What she wants can’t be bought it can only be given freely – the gift of peace is priceless.

There is power in her goodness…please don’t dim her light.

She is fearless..she has made peace with the losses she hasn’t even faced yet.

The Void

This is a piece of the inevitable pain I will face- not of the present thankfully- sorry for the confusion. That was silly of me not to state.

What happens when it’s over? Where do the broken hearted end up? What do they do? Where once was guidance and rules, where now there is a void.

Where there is no sun or happy. No feeling other than numb. When you clench you chest and scream that deafening silent scream of anguish, who will comfort you? They may come, but he does not. There is no comfort. There is only pain.

There is no colour, no taste, no sound outside of the screaming pain inside of you. No respite from sleep.

Waking is the hardest part, where he is no longer beside you.

Jealously will seep in, “who has taken my place?”, “who has what I never fully did?”.

The fear that they are better than you. You were not enough. That fear.

You are broken, defeated and laid cold on the ground. No strength to bathe, or try.
A husk of a woman. A body in auto pilot, no driver to be seen.

You will never forget. You will never stop loving. You will always wait.

They say it will come. Acceptance. Peace. They say this will pass. Yet they did not know what you had.

You will feel whole again. You will rebuild yourself. Stronger than you once were. Yes bitterness will leave its teeth mark on you, pain will leave a permanent scar. But you will rebuild. It will come. You cannot see or feel it yet. One day you will wake and feel a little less pain. You will smile at something. Someone will make you laugh.

You may even want to try and love again…

One day.

Everyone these days..

Is so worried about being cheesy. Worried about what people might think or say.

I say fuck it, life is too short.

If someone looks pretty, tell them.

If they have beautiful eyes and a nice smile, tell them.

If you love them, definitely fucking tell them.

Otherwise, we will have a world full of people that have no idea they are beautiful because everyone’s so fucking shy.

Let’s get….

Raw

Heated

Sexy

Dirty

Passionate

Dark

Devious

Unfiltered

And Deep

Till we both explode

And fall into a

Sweet

Soft

Warm

And romantic

Embrace

With

Overflowing

Words of affection

And slow caresses

Till you fall asleep

Raw

She wanted him in his rawest form.

His rough possession of her, claiming her body.

Soul on soul sex, branding her with his mouth, his hands. This is how love stays alive.

All skin and fire.

This is how the world ends.

I Am Very Needy – Another Reason I Don’t Initiate

I am very needy.
But I try not to show it.
I want attention all the time.
This is another reason I don’t initiate.

I want you to talk to me when you want to talk to me.
I don’t want you to just be responding to me.

I want your full attention.
I want you to make the conscious effort to reach out to me.

So, when you are engaged in conversation, you are fully present and interested in talking to me.
I don’t want to have any doubt.

I, then, have certainty that you like me and enjoy me.
It starts the conversation off in the right way.

You can tell I want to talk to you because of how responsive and enthusiastic I am.

I don’t blame you

I would miss me too. I treated you better than you deserved and loved you more than I should have. I did everything for you and received nothing in return. I cared about you, and gave you all of my attention and support. I stuck by your side through your shittiest moments, and praised and glorified your good ones. I was so good to you even through all the bullshit you put me through. hell, I would miss the fuck out of me too.

Appetite

I am so greedy for you. You send one, amazing, message. The instant you reply, I want another. I cannot be sated – I want to be full of you. You are busy, you have a life. I can’t expect you to talk to me constantly. And the texts you send me are wonderful.

They feed me so well. They are so satisfying. But I gobble them up and feel like I’m starving. A longing which won’t be fulfilled until the next one arrives.

It’s an unquenchable thirst, a hunger that will never be fully satisfied. I am addicted to you. Your absence, though it makes your presence doubly precious, causes withdrawal symptoms. Mine is a lust which can never be slaked.

Fool Me Once.

I want you to lie to me. Swallow all that hate. Bury it so deep in your throat that you might just choke. Let your stomach acid rot the honestly. Regurgitate something prettier.

We can admire the mess you made with expressions to match its insincerity. We can pretend. I can thank you for it. You can tell me it’s nothing. ⁽ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ⁱᵐ ⁿᵒᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ.⁾

We’re both still smiling though, right? Staples buried so deep in our cheeks that we’re septic. Toxic. ⁽ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ˢᵒ ᶠᵘᶜᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒˣⁱᶜ⁾.

You can stick pins in my eyes and feed me your poison. I want it. Truly. I”ll lap up your scraps. Even if they are synthetic. I”ll drink them in while you chew me up and maybe somehow it will soothe the ache between my legs from the last time we called each others bluff.

So once again, darling. lie to me. Put on a show. Cut me with that silver tongue and let me taste your metal.

Tonight

Tonight, it’s not about you. Tonight it’s about me.
It’s about how your absence, troubles me,
It’s about how i hide all of this hurt.
Tonight it’s not about love. Tonight it’s about separations.
it’s about how I write to remember you.
it’s about how I remember you through all of myself.

Casual Doesn’t Mean No Effort

Some men might look at casual as not being a personal interaction. Sex, is the most personal exchange.

Don’t want to acknowledge that feelings are involved? Good luck with that.

Most women like romance; they like the experience. That in no way means they’re ready to walk down the aisle with you.

Casual should be “low commitment,” not “low effort.” Colossal difference. Daily texts, good mornings, goodnights, what’s up chats. All good. Connection.

Women need to feel safe if they’re going to have any sort of vulnerable interaction with you. That includes feeling emotionally safe.

Showing your vulnerability helps with this; it allows for a deeper connection where they aren’t made to feel ashamed for not keeping things transactional.

The literal purpose of casual is to have a good time. Connection helps ensure this. Making it all about THEM, and ensuring they have enjoyment and satisfaction. Making your partner happy results in also getting what you ultimately want.

Some guys are really screwing this up for themselves.

Don’t be one of those guys!

Wish

I wish you loved me the way I love you. I wish I could be your shelter when the storms hit. When you’re tired of people. Tired of yourself. Tired of being.

I wish you sought refuge in me.
But you don’t.
And it breaks me.

And maybe it’s selfish of me to want that.
But if I can’t help, what good am I?

How to Love a Broken Girl

I read this on someone else’s profile.
This is me.
How to love a Broken Girl. How many would benefit from an instruction book for that? It’s easy to love the Carefree Girls, the “Normal” Girls, the Confident Girls Next Door, but what about the Broken Girls? The Girls with fortresses around their heart and shields in their eyes? The Girls whose souls have aged beyond their earthly years? The Girls with bodies and minds that have survived wars which would break the strongest of men? Sometimes these Girls should come with a warning label. The warning pendulum swings both ways. This warning is not only for how you must treat her but for all the ways she will ruin you.
You cannot love her gently. She does not realize she deserves to be loved. You must love her with a force that can crush mountains. You must burn her soul so hot with your love that doubt melts away. Your love must be unconditional and you must show her on her very worst days.
She doesn’t know she’s beautiful. She can get compliments all day and she won’t believe it. There is a demon on her shoulder whispering that it’s not true. It takes a dozen compliments to erase one hurtful torment from her past. Shower her with compliments, be her cheerleader, until your words are her heartbeat instead of her doubts.
Chase her. I know we often have the attitude of not chasing anyone. I know it is said to be weak if we chase someone who walks away, but we need to see you are weak for us. Sometimes a Broken Girl needs to see how much you need her. She needs to see that vulnerability in your eyes to feel ok. We need you to need us.
She needs routine. Broken Girls over analyze everything. They notice everything, too. Did you stop asking her for pictures after some time passes? Did you stop using a pet name? Every broken pattern to us means the end of the only thing we have ever wanted and it terrifies us.
Smother us with affection. Touch us. Kiss us. Touch us some more. Broken Girls have not experienced enough positive affection in their life. We will absorb every ounce as a person dying of thirst demands water. You cannot shower us with enough of a good touch.
Be honest and keep promises. Broken Girls have not dared to dream much. Every vow made to us has been broken. Every promise has been a lie. We would rather you never let a promise escape your lips than have you utter false ones.
Prepare to drown. If we let you inside our chaotic soul, you will be immersed in a madness you will not understand. We sometimes walk the balance beam of insanity and sometimes we fall.
The biggest warning we should have is this – if we love you, it is forever. We will love you with a loyalty that will amaze you. We will be committed and our heart will beat your name. While we are still broken we will try to devour all of your pain. We will be perceptive to your wounds and eager to heal your soul.

If we love you, please be prepared that we will forever stay.