I Am More

The silence is deafening
Even the wind has hushed
No words spoken
No voices heard
What did I do?
Or was it that I didn’t?
I’m worth more
I deserve more
I AM MORE

What I am Not

• A fucking afterthought.
• A side piece.
• A person to use and abuse emotionally.
• A toy.
• A patient person (in regards to getting replies to texts).
• An idiot.
• Unobservant.
• A punching bag.
• An afterthought. I know I said that but it’s big.

Things I am

• A human being with real emotions, real thoughts, real dreams, real wants and needs.

• Intelligent.

• Clever.

• Creative.

• Caring and loving.

• Funny.

• A damn priority.

WORTH IT.

Can’t Sleep

Every time I close my eyes, I think of kissing, touching, biting, lips, tongues, hands, belts, hair pulling, growls, nerves in the pit of my stomach, our bodies clashing, your strength and my softness.

Oh please I’m begging. Can’t focus.

I wish so many things…

Becoming Hopeless

From the ashes you came back

To turn my life around

And make me disbelieve myself.

That I am more than enough. With words you brainwashed me.

And you kept leaving and coming.

While I was in my bedroom Feeling empty and worthless.

Because of you my voices yelled.

They didn’t let me move in peace.

And they grew louder and louder

Until I couldn’t breathe.

Becoming Hopeless

To Be Yours

Alone, here – thinking, wanting, daydreaming…focused on you.

My mind filled with intense devotion…focused on you.

My thoughts slowed, reflections – you are with me everywhere.

It is intense this desire to serve, to connect, to just be.

This feeling you evoke…
The surrender calling to me..the need growing ever stronger.

As my heartbeats grow quicker, your grip grows more powerful.

Am I, Can I, Will I – ever be enough.
Fighting it, creating pain.
Surrendering, relaxing.

Your touch in my soul.
Your voice caressing my body.
Your grin creating tingles on my skin.
Your words in my heart.

Surrendering.
My focus shifted.
I give it to you – it was always yours to take.

What will you choose…am I to be or not to be…

Yours?

Feeling It

Can you feel it?
My need.
Possess me.
Command me.
Will you let me?
Fall to my knees.
To fulfill your wants.
To wear your marks.
Growling deep.
Whispered breath.
Will you?
Own me completely.

I am begging you? Please?

Used and Abused Heart

He just likes the attention you give but refuses to claim you as his.

You’re a warm body to waste time with. You gave him your heart and he squeezes it in his hand testing its tenderness.

Claim That Girl!!

If she saves your texts so that she can read them later when she misses you…claim that girl.

If she’s independent, strong minded, fiercely driven but still sweet with her words and touch…claim that girl.

If she has given to you all that you have asked of her, no questions asked…claim that girl.

If she has given you her mind, body and soul, surrendered her control, worn your marks with pride…OWN that girl.

Connecting, Craving

I believe in the connection of you and I.

My soul reflected in your eyes.
With teeth marks and lash patterns, you paint our story on my skin.

When you’re far, my nights break into pieces,
Fevered pitched, ravaged dreams tear me from sleep.

But with you close, ecstasy covers me in dreamland, floating.
A moment in your arms puts my soul at rest.

The Sometimes/Maybe Girl

I feel like I’ve been put on the sidelines, benched, left waiting in the wings.

I’m back up.

The understudy.

Only taking centre stage when the star of the show has called in sick.

You wont see me in the spotlight,
because Im on the back burner.

I am not the highlight or
the main event.

Im the sometimes/maybe girl.

My value seen when its convenient.
When it suits.

When all the other options have run out.

I want to be chosen

I want to be chosen.
Enthusiastically.
Emphatically.
Not begrudgingly strung along with.
Or picked up out of boredom or loneliness.
Or because there were no other real options as “she’ll do for now”.
Pick me because you want me.
Reallly want me.
Because you are bound certain sure I’m for you.
I am not an afterthought or backup.
I am a prize worth winning.
So be decisive.

I’m Always Here

Another night woken, the sweat pours off me and my heart beats out of my chest.

In my dreams I plead with you to love me.
I plead with you not to give up on me.
I plead with you to see me, really see me.

Please be gentle. Please, don’t be angry at me anymore. Please, I know who you really are deep down and it’s not this. You’re not this person.

Three words.
I need you.
What’s more, I wished you needed me too.

You’ve let yourself become cold and distant to the world and it pains me. I don’t want that for you, I want so much more for you.

I love you.

Three words,
Which are almost meaningless to you now.
But I still try, I try to remind you…
You’re never alone.

I’m always here.

His Lighthouse

I love him.
I love him with all my heart and
I am not afraid or shamed to say it.

I love him on my good days and bad.
Through my laughter and sorrows.
I love him without condition or consequence.

I love him because my heart and soul is drawn to his aura.
With a familiarity and purpose unfathomable.

My heart aches.
My soul weeps.
When he is not with me for he is my constant.

When everything changes constantly.
My lighthouse in the ever changing tides of my daily existence.

I miss him as one would a limb.
A dull numb phantom ache
In the space he occupied in my life.

He is my flame.

Will he come back to me?
I not am sure of it.
Or he will beckon me to him.

Whrn he tells me to and I run, I don’t walk to him.
I break into a long strided sprint
straight into his strong and capable arms.

Arms I yearn for in his absence.
I helped him however I could
in every capacity I could.

He sensed my pain.
My hurt.
He knew I was bleeding a slow death.

He has ghosted me.

We have a pull. A back and forth.

Will I be here when he comes back? If he comes back?
Yes of course I will.
For perhaps I am his lighthouse.
Through his life’s storm.

The Longing For Something Lost

I breathe in deeply. Savouring the feeling. The moment to mark all moments has come.

Everything I endured in life finally makes sense. In that one realization, the acceptance in knowing that pours in. The willingness to finally let it all go.

I’ll exhale in a few seconds, I’ll exhale and just like that I’ll be forever changed.

I’ll emerge baptized by your touch, in the hands that cause such exquisite pain, such exquisite pleasure,
renewed
at peace
finally, finally
finally free,
and I’ll drop to my knees,
bask in the warmth of your care,
offering myself humbly,
because of who you are,
and who I will be,
and all the beautiful moments like this we create together.

But I wake up from this dream and you’re gone.

I breathe in deeply.
Savouring the memory, and memories of times like it, everything is so much different now.

It would be easy to lose myself in reminiscing.

I wish that I could go back to the moments I felt happy, when loneliness was just a word and not something that gripped my heart.

When it didn’t turn my dreams to nightmares, or have me listen to the clock tick by in the dark, counting the hours until morning- when the world finally wakes and I can have some company, besides the beating of my own heart.

My heart sounds so damn loud in the silence.
I’m tangled up in the bedsheets in my empty bed,
I reach out but no one is there to reach back, you’re not here.

Sometimes I feel so fragile,
breakable like glass,
but I know deep down I am so much stronger than I seem and in moments when it feels like the longing for you, and the ache inside my heart will be the end of me.

I remind myself of my strength,
that the sun will rise with a new day, and the loneliness I feel won’t last forever.

The longing I feel won’t last forever.
It just can’t.

It won’t…
nothing lasts forever.

Hurtful

Why do people choose to hurt others? Not in the hitting and bruising way, I know about that and that is intimate not hurtful.

In the emotional heart bruising way.

Why do they choose to do all the things that keep you hurt and stuck instead of the one thing that would let you go?

The way to move forward is with kindness not hideous humiliating silence.

Silence keeps it all going, keeps the mental conversation going round and round when all you want to do is smile and be nice.

To just know that everything is fine and no one dislikes anyone.

Everyone is worth a hug except me it would seem?

I think I am worth words and eyes?

How can you ever possibly be sure things are ok unless you see their face, see them smile and hear their warmth?

I am an adult and I want adult resolutions is that too much to ask for? – yes I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️
Please stop being hurtful.

I Love, Deeply

There’s not a sufficient combination of cosmological constants to quantify the feeling that I’m feeling.

Nor syllables and soliloquies that could be spoke by the human tongue to express what my mind is trying to fathom.

This gargantuan task of forming a relatively sensible understanding of YOU or what you do to me. I’ve never had this and I certainly don’t want to lose it, not ever, because what you are is made of star stuff, impossibly beautiful, elusive and the beginnings of my universe.

I’d move mountains and walk through the caves of giant’s just to show you there’s no obstacle, no force, that could keep me from you.

If only you actually cared. I know you don’t. I know that you see others.

My heart is so sad.

Do I ever say thank you?

Do I ever say thank you for fucking me so hard that I can’t even speak?
Do I ever tell how much I trust you to hurt me? Physically at least.

Do I ever tell you how much I love you and the kinky, sick, fucked-up things we do?

Do I ever say the words you want me to hear?

Of course I don’t, because you’ve fucked me too hard physically and mentally to speak.

And that’s your fault. Reciprocate a bit.

Please?

Secrets

She has secrets. Many deep, dark and wonderful secrets. But she also carries trauma, sadness, loneliness and grief. Pain born from mistreatment, loss and love gone wrong. Pain from the self doubt that has seeped into her bones and embedded itself into her daily life.

Give her a gift that isn’t material. A gift that is priceless. Give her your attention. Earn her trust.

That’s what forges the most intimate of bonds. A bond that becomes forever. Everlasting.

She wants you to listen. To absorb. To understand. To empathise.
She wants to feel a deep connection with you. A connection so deep that she can relive her past, in order to process and overcome the issues that handcuff her to her past.

She wants to connect with you and lean on you for support as she unpacks her past grief, her past traumas. That world of memories that she had locked away to protect herself.

Memories that anchor her down from moving forward and discovering a beautiful life that she can enjoy.

She wants you to hold her accountable when self pity kicks in. To make her realise that she is backsliding as she chooses the comfort and easy way of letting old habits kick in. Anger. Self doubt. Negativity. Blame.

Take the time to understand her. Become intimate with her on a level so intense that it goes beyond lust, sex and physical pleasure. A level where bonds form, trust is procured and connection occurs.

A place where she can feel accepted and understood. Safe and secure. A place where she can learn to look back and reflect.

A place where she can begin to process her fears, her trauma, her grief.

Where she can slowly unpack her past and purge. To understand the moments embedded in her journey that anchor her with negativity.

Connection. A gift that will last forever.

Your pleasure is my pleasure

My greatest pleasure is my partner’s pleasure.
Lots of people say this, I can’t assess their intentions and so I don’t know if they mean what I mean.

If I had to boil my kinks down, I’d say making my partner happy is my sole kink. There’s shit I like, sensations that are more fun than others, and a certain way I like being spoken to. But I promise you, hearing my partner moan or smile at me during sex gives me a high like no other.

Exploring someone’s body to find their sensitive parts and then watching them squirm makes me smile . My favourite part of having sex with a person is finding a way to bring them increased pleasure.

I’d argue I model myself after my partner’s preferences. It could be close to bimbos and being made into a caricature of my partner’s ideal toy. Maybe that’s why I love being “made into a sex toy” or being told my sole purpose is to please my partner.

It’s the act of providing pleasure to another person that really lights me up inside.

It goes farther than a sexual thing though. I adore people who have far more knowledge than me in different subjects.

A person’s passion; their knowledge; their ability to share that is wonderful.

I adore people who are passionate but even more so adore those who are knowledgeable. I should say it isn’t elitism, though a bit of ableism and classism probably exists there. I understand that formal education is a privilege and time to devote to your own betterment is also a privilege. I totally get that lots of people are exhausted from everyday life and working an insane number of hours that they do not have the physical, mental, or emotional capacity to engage with knowledge. I do not fault anyone for this. I’d also raise the point that knowledge of anything intrigues me. Friends who are parents tell me things about babies and shit and I love it!

Engineers talk about circuits, electricity, and even brick and mortar. I love hearing about people’s jobs and the intricacies that their work involves.

Anyways, knowledge is hot and if someone tells me about their interests then I will do research on them. I’ll try to get the basics so I can further understand them but also ask them questions with deeper meaning than just surface-level interest. I want to have conversations with them that excite them. I love to see them light up when sharing their enthusiasm for something. I try my best to be an engaged and interested listener.

I’ve found myself picking up skills and interests from different people in my life. I watch TV shows because someone else loves them, I’ve purchased books just to discuss an author with someone, I listen to a band’s entire discography to discuss the nuances between their albums, I’ve played games to watch my friends utterly destroy me. I’m moulded by other’s interests and choices.

That kind of sounds bad. Like I have no interests or passions of my own…

All this to say, I find myself moulded by other’s choices because I enjoy seeing them happy. People tend to find more pleasure in things when they’re shared with those they love, not everyone but most people I’ve encountered.

Would it surprise you if I said I found BDSM the same way? I pursued kink because I wanted to feel closer to someone and then here I am. Without them, still investing and learning about something I had little interest in before I met them.

Whatever it is, I show up as their fantasy. Something they want.
Does that mean I don’t show up as myself? I model myself solely on traits others will find attractive. I’ve pondered these questions plenty of times.

I like it when other people are happy. I derive pleasure from other people’s pleasure. Is that so wrong? I’d try anything twice to satisfy someone I care about. I’ll step outside of my comfort zone to see someone else smile. I’m moved to extreme acts of compassion for those around me.

I could listen to their increased breathing, the slight hitch in their throat, the soft pants or moans forever. I could feel their hips buck, their muscles tighten, their face flush, and feel satisfaction like no other.

My kink is being in the presence of someone else’s happiness. It’s their smile. Their voice raising when they’re caught up in thought. The intensity in their eyes. Their expertise on anything, even things I have an intimate knowledge of. I adore electricity that is exchanged between individuals even if I have no spark of my own to share. I love being trusted with a part of this person.

I will go out of my way to do things that bring someone else joy. I’ll stop at the store and pick up your favorite food item just because. I didn’t need to go to the store but for you, I’d go to a million. If someone says they’re hungry I take us out and I won’t eat. I wasn’t hungry but you were and I wanted to help you. I love making someone’s favorite food and giving it to them, especially when it’s a food I don’t eat. I like doing things to see other people be happy. But don’t get it twisted. It’s a selfish act. I do it because I love other people’s happiness. I do it because it brings me joy to see you be joyous.

I want to make someone laugh to hear their laughter, not because I’m trying to cheer them up. I derive pleasure from other people’s pleasure. And so, I seek out opportunities that bring pleasure to other people but for my own benefit.
I am terribly selfish.
I should highlight I have interests of my own.

There are topics I could talk about for hours. I have strong opinions on many things that are based on fact, and some based solely on emotion. I understand that I do not exist to please other people. I hope I’m a fully developed human being. Please do not be concerned about me, or if this writing alarmed you do not worry.

Focusing on your partner isn’t a bad thing. Focusing solely on your partner to avoid confronting your own feelings is bad. Co-dependency, or adjusting your behaviour based on your partner’s emotions because you think managing other people is your job is also not great.

Properly

If you use people and manipulate them in doing for you by exploiting their kindness and need need for love then you’re a fucking arsehole.

So many times I catch myself, giving to others (because that’s my nature and it makes me happy) but then there’s this understanding that some come to believe that I SHOULD give just because I have in the past or I have the means to do so…emotionally or otherwise.

I should have the right to give love freely and lift people’s spirits without having them feel that it is my duty to do so. When you are the one giving all the time and never being refilled, it’s hard to keep yourself (emotionally/mentally) strong for your own self. I have a bad habit of giving to others even when I don’t give to myself.

If I let you in, it’s not because I need you because, I stopped needing people a long time ago. It’s because I fucking want you, crave you…that devotion is the purest feeling of all. Do with it what you want.

I am the best version of me that there is to find. Daily I change, the stronger I become the stronger you need to be to earn my submission to you, but submit I will, to the right One. To the Right One, I will belong…EVERY FUCKING INCH OF ME….the insecurities, the strengths, the curves, the rolls, the sassy, the sweet, the warmth, the soul.

You invade this void in me filling it with devotion.

As you bring me to my knees
all my intentions fall to the floor
i am yours to do with as you desire.
Bound, I am free.

please don’t release me…

Why don’t you dig a little deeper
as you look into my eyes?
You shatter all that’s left inside?

We both know this feels right…

Can you hear me when I’m quiet?
Are you listening when I yell?

I am not a mistake! I am not a consolation prize!

I am not fill-in fluff when you’re lonely. I’m not a toy you can take out of a box when you’re bored and put back on the shelf until the next time you’re available.

I am THE fucking prize. I outshine the purest gold. If you want me and my submission, fucking earn me. Don’t expect me to fall at your feet just because.

I am deserving. Hear me.

Never settle for less than you deserve.

Think about what you consider the bare minimum to be and if you are truly content with that.

Also think about what you want him to do more of. Maybe to be more affectionate? Maybe to take you out to places ? Define what it is you want of the relationship and communicate with him. If he is dismissive and if he doesn’t try and understand even after telling him then maybe that’s a sign that he’s not the person you want to settle with.

In no particular order, just a few key things…

Respect.

Not putting pressure on someone to do things they don’t want to or can’t. Not having high demands and pressures on someone. Understanding they are their own person and have their own life and needs and wants. Sometimes accepting they won’t do things the way you want or may have different expectations.

Kindness.

Just being kind and caring. Being there for them in both the happy and sad times. Not judging. Not criticising. Just doing nice things because you want them to be happy.

Communication.

Being honest and open. Keeping in touch. This is different for everyone so doesn’t have to be daily texts, video calls or regular meetings. As long as both feel their communication is healthy. Replying and truly listening to the other person. Not blowing them off.

Similarity.

Some form of common interest, mindset or passions. Something usually draws two people together. They might seem like opposites in many areas but usually some thing like sense of humour or mind set keeps a good connection if it’s similar.

Stop Bending over Backwards.

Relationships are about each person giving 100 percent.  If you recognize you are the only one doing the giving, then this is a sign that your investment is not being honoured and may need to be given to someone who will value the effort to your commitment.

Require Quality Communication.

Accepting vague text messages and no phone calls will not encourage intimacy and won’t do anything to improve your love life. In person or phone contact is the only way to foster a caring connection. One needs in person cues and the tone of one’s voice to discern nuance with communication.

Make Sure Their Words and Actions Align.

You know you settled for less in your love life if you’ve accepted that your partner, doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. Integrity means being straightforward with no hidden agendas. For a foundation of trust to develop words must match behaviour. Anything less will make you doubt intensions and enabling this behaviour will erode your self worth.

Discuss What Hurts You.

If you do not make attempts to correct hurtful behaviours, then the other person is unaware they are hurting you. If you do make attempts to share your feelings and are unheard, then your feelings are not valued.  You have to decide to leave or stay because this is what you can expect in the future.

Because…

It’s okay if you’re the one who loves more and cares more, the one who’s always deeply in love and gets attached easily. Don’t you dare apologize for it.

Remember, it’s not your loss. But at the same time, you should never let yourself be in those situations again. Never ever settle for less.

You deserve so much better. You deserve so much happiness in this world. You deserve the love you keep trying to give to everyone.

You deserve to be loved by a man who has enough courage to meet your efforts and meet you halfway. You deserve someone who can give you the assurance you’ve always wanted to hear, who doesn’t make you second guess their love for you.

You deserve to be fought for by the man who’s brave enough to introduce you to his family, friends, and colleagues. No one deserves to be loved by a coward.

You deserve a man who is 100% sure about you. The man who will do anything just to prove his love to you and is always ready to take risks just to be with you.

You deserve to be with someone who will never put himself in a position to lose you. Darling, you deserve to be cared for. You deserve someone who will never ever take advantage of you.

If you’re lucky enough, you get to find a man who will love you more than you love him.

Someone who never gets tired of showing his love for you, someone who can’t resist talking to you after a fight.

You deserve someone who supports you on everything you want to do. Someone who’s willing to drown himself into the depths of your soul.

Someone who fully accepts all of you. Someone who enjoys your madness, and is always ready to hear your thoughts.

Someone who can calm you when you’re having a mental breakdown, someone who you can vent to about your family problems or your job.

Someone who you can cry on, not someone who will make you cry.

Someone who will never leave you when your demons, depression, and anxiety hits you.

Someone who listens and understands you.

You deserve someone you can be witty with, someone who can deal with with your jokes and sarcasm.  You deserve someone who will love you with every piece of his heart. 

We all deserve that kind of love. When you finally realize your self-worth, you’ll never allow yourself to be treated poorly again.

It’s not about how high your standards are, because if a man wants you enough, he’ll prove it. Half-love isn’t love — either it’s all or nothing. 

Will you please stop with the games and be that someone?

A wish..

Wishing I could fall asleep in your arms. Hearing and feeling your heartbeat against my ear.

Your arms wrapped tightly around me, making it the calmest and quietest place, build like a fortress. Feeling safe, protected and loved.

One day maybe…

Signs of Disrespect You Shouldn’t Allow in Your Relationship

We need love, trust, AND respect for a happy, healthy relationship.

In a relationship, we need love. We also need trust in order for the relationship to grow, and in order for trust to grow inside a relationship, respect needs to be there.

That might sound like a lot of work, but we all want relationships that grow with us, right?

Many of us grew up seeing disrespect in our homes. Maybe it was your parents not respecting one another, or you weren’t on the receiving end of the most respectful behaviour. Disrespectful behaviour might not have taken the form of violence or abuse, and might have taken the form of lying or dismissive behaviour.

That doesn’t mean that disrespect is okay, just because it seems ‘less bad’ than what others experience.

But how do we even spot disrespect if it is something that seems to be happening all around us, and how do we stop it infecting our intimate relationships like a disease?

Here are some signs of disrespect to watch out for.

1. They don’t listen to you

Communication is important in any relationship. If they are not engaging in active listening with you, and you feel they are only half-interested in what you have to say, this can be a red flag.

Some examples to watch out for are if they are not listening even when you know the subject should be of interest to them; if they ignore what you say and react to you like you said something you didn’t, it’s a sign they’re not listening; if they are judging what you say as being unimportant; or if they ignore you in the hope that you’ll just stop talking.

2. They don’t prioritize you

If you’re not a priority, you’ll know what that feels like. They’ll be distracted when they are with you; change or cancel plans last moment without a good reason; they’ll be chronically late to dates; they’ll prioritize their friends or their work over you.

If someone doesn’t respect your time, they don’t respect you.

3. They give you the silent treatment

The silent treatment seems to be a very simple way to cause harm. You just have to switch off from that person long enough for their own minds to torture them, on your behalf.

The silent treatment can leave one feeling hurt, powerless, invisible, guilty, or frustrated.

When used as a precursor for abuse, the silent treatment serves to hurt someone twice. It hurts them when they first receive it, then later when they receive the abuse itself.

4. You caught them lying to you

Some people think it is the big lies — like cheating — that matter when oftentimes it is the small lies that hurt the most. They chip away at trust and show a lack of respect in the relationship.

If this person cannot trouble themselves to be honest with you — even when it is difficult — then why should you trust them?

5. They flirt with others

If you’re in a monogamous relationships — and even in many open or non-monogamous relationships depending on the understanding between partners — being on the receiving end of your partner flirting with others while you’re right there can be hard. It can also be difficult just knowing that it is going on when you’re not around, too.

It is incredibly disrespectful to you and to your relationship for someone to cross this boundary and can be a red flag for things to come.

6. They hurt your feelings on purpose

Hurt feelings in the course of a relationship will happen. You will have times when this happens accidentally, but when it happens on purpose, it is not okay. Even if things are said in the heat of an argument, it is never okay to hurt someone you are supposed to care about.

This can be accusations thrown at a partner, or bringing up things from the past just to hurt them, or even name-calling. None of these actions are okay.

7. They refuse to spend time with your family or friends

The other people who are important in your life — namely, your friends and family — should not be overlooked. If they are refusing to spend time with these people or doing things like showing up late and passive-aggressively showing their disrespect for the people who are important to you, they’re disrespecting you by extension.

These might not be their favourite people or the way they would most like to spend their time, but that they won’t experience the slightest inconvenience for you says a lot.

8. They have inconsiderate personal habits

It is normal in a relationship to find someone else’s habits annoying once the initial honeymoon period has worn off. Their fidget spinner use isn’t what we’re talking about here though.

If they have habits like not wiping down the benchtop or leaving dirty dishes all over the house that make you feel disrespected, these are the habits we’re talking about.

9. They don’t offer support when you need it

If you reach out to them when you’re having a tough time for support and their response is to not offer that support, then that is a huge red flag staring right at you.

You should be a priority. You should be the one they care about and they need to show up when you need them. If you wouldn’t accept it from your friends, don’t accept the apathy when you need support from your partner, either.

10. They ignore your boundaries

Many people will read this and think about sexual assault, and that can be a boundary that is ignored, however, it is not the only one. If they’re ignoring your emotional, physical, sexual, or spiritual boundaries, right now is when you need to pay attention.

If they have pushed you, or they tickled you after you told them stop, these are physical boundaries they have disrespected. If they have continued to do things you said hurt you emotionally, this is disrespecting an emotional boundary.

This is one of the biggest signs of disrespect and has more red flags than a communist parade. Pay careful attention to this red flag.

What to do now you know

If you read that list and found yourself nodding more often than not, it is time to take a deep breath and decide what you need to do.

If you read this and you were thinking of leaving and it just made you realize that it was in fact time to go, then go in peace.

If you read this and are hoping that your relationship can be saved though, keep reading.

If you want to stay with this person, the first step is to speak to them about how you’re not feeling respected. You need to speak honestly and openly about what they are doing that is making you feel disrespected. It is helpful if you use examples of their behaviour, and choose your time wisely — as in, don’t have this conversation right after an argument when emotions are already running high — you might want to keep an open mind too because they could come back to you and tell you they have been feeling exactly the same way about things you have said and done.

Once they understand what has happened in the past, it is time to think about what will happen in the future. Make your boundaries clear. You need to tell them what isn’t okay going forward, and how you expect to be treated — and how you will treat them in turn — this will help them to get a grasp on the problem, and the solution, both at once. Rather than them knowing there is a problem but not knowing how to fix it.

If things do not improve though, you need to move on. You deserve a wonderful, loving, and respectful relationship. You have only this one life, after all. It is time to be happy.

Oftentimes people find that they have the same problem with a lack of respect in all of their relationships. This can be for any number of reasons including them never having a model to base respectful relationships on — if their parents and other caregivers didn’t have respectful relationships, or it seems everyone around them disrespects their partners — it can also mean that the person has disrespect creep into their relationships so slowly that they don’t notice.

The quickest way to deal with this though if that’s you who doesn’t feel like they can find enough respect in their relationships, is to seek out a good therapist to work through any roadblocks in your way to the loving, respectful relationship you deserve.

Or…. just don’t be a dick!

Sweet Talk and Ugly Honesty…

I’m a moody bitch. When I say “moody” I don’t mean angry or that I cry a lot, neither are true.

I mean that I’m intense. I’m intensely sensitive, intensely loving, intensely protective and I get intensely hurt. I guess I’m passionate with a side of sarky git.

I’m a big mess of feelings crammed into a mouthy, spicy little meatball.

Now I recognize that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok.

I’ve wandered this earth for a fair old while and I know I’m my own flavour. If you dislike it, then you do. I hate olives and celery.

Ok I digress…
I love making connections. It warms my cold heart to find people who care and walk their talk while at the same time, have fun banter and generally good conversation.

Now I’m not the best at small talk. I don’t loathe it. I do try. It happens but I don’t excel.

People might say “how’s it going?” and they’re looking for the sexy “oh I’m just sitting here plugged and ready” or the “I’m digging through my 500 pieces of lingerie to find the best see through piece to try on for pics” or “I’m stellar and you?”… but they get “well I’m tired because I couldn’t sleep yet again”, “my back hurts” or “I’m frustrated with work and life”.

But if you want to know the truth, I prefer that which is why I’m honest.

They might get the “I’m great! Guess what?” then a rambling story with all the giggles and eye rolls.

I like when people tell me how they are. I don’t need sweet talk to like them. Of course I love when people say nice things but only, only if they’re being honest.

Otherwise please save it.
I actually need the opposite. I need honest, ugly, gritty authenticity. I need funny, real, goofy stories. I need humility and genuineness.

Without it, I can’t open up. Without it, I have no impetus to try. Without it I’m hesitant, uncertain and skeptical.

I ask myself “what do they want from me?” and “why do they always appear gregarious, horny and giddy?”

It’s unreasonable. I don’t trust it.

I love real. So if you choose to engage with me, please bring your honest self, klutziness, embarrassing moments, sadness, hurt, elation, and happiness in all it’s fucked up beautiful glory because I simply love it!

Never Be

I’ll never be the escort you love to stare at and sext.

I’ll never be that porn star you wish you were fucking.

I’m never gonna be that size 10 Barbie that catches your eye.

What I will be is the one who accepts you, flaws and all.

I’ll be the one who is there for you during great times as well as troubling times.

I’ll be your partner and best friend.

The one you can always count on.

Just give us an opportunity.

All

I’m in love with you but that’s not important.

I keep giving you all of me. Begging you to just like me.

My heart is breaking.
My soul is neglected I’m in love with you.
Last breath screaming.

I love you.

I’m in love with you.
But you couldn’t care less.

Fierce

I don’t love casually.

When I do love it’s fierce, its my soul ripped open and raw. Its my whole heart on display. It’s all I have and everything I know, handed over to you like a gift.

I hope you unwrap it gently and treat it kindly.

I Loved You

I loved you without cause, or reason, or doubt.

I loved you to the edge of what my soul could endure and then I loved you just a little bit more.

I loved you beyond measure, beyond hope and beyond all sense of rationality.

I loved you until the light had gone, until the years had gone and until my tears had all but drowned me.

I loved you until it ruined me; like an ancient temple I stood, abandoned and forgotten before finally caving under the sheer weight of time. And in the end it changed nothing – all that love…

For here I was, dying for you until my spirit was weary.

And there you were, living your life.

Blissfully unaware.

I Dream

I dream of soft kisses and stolen moments.
Those lingering quiet caresses.
Sensing every minute motion of your hand.
Anticipating the next destination.

I dream of teasingly cultivating barely contained desire.
Till the flames burn brightly in your eyes and the need to consume my flesh overwhelms.
Losing yourself to the impending feast.

I dream of dropping to my knees for the reception of the sacred communion.
My mouth invoking such impure prayers.
Swallowing as you release your devotions.

I dream of sweet hard fucking and unrelenting intensity.
And tears borne of forced ecstasy.
The consumation many times over.
Burrowing yourself into me in every way.

I dream of you.

Bare Minimum

They leave your texts on read.


They always respond with, “Oh sorry, I fell asleep,” no matter what time of day it is.


They only hit you up to hang out at the last minute.


They’re barely putting in any effort, they would hardly qualify for a participation trophy.

Does this sound familiar?


What it means?

Bare minimum-ing someone means exactly what it says: you’re only giving them the bare minimum of yourself.  The bare minimum of your time, effort, attention, commitment, and emotions. It’s offering the least possible amount of yourself that is needed in order to keep the other person interested.

Because my good dating experiences are few and far between, when I meet a guy who simply texts me back — who gives me the bare minimum — I’m immediately singing his praises.

But that’s stupid.

Sometimes, we settle for less than what we want and we accept the bare minimum. We resign ourselves and say, “Oh, this person isn’t that bad.”

Yeah, but they’re not that good, either.

Common courtesy and human decency are not characteristics that should be exceeding our expectations — they should be the bare minimum requirements. The “you must be this tall to ride this ride” regulations.

If you’re not looking for anything serious or long-term, then the bare minimum is just fine. It serves its purpose. But if you’re looking for a real relationship — the bare minimum just isn’t going to cut it.

Eventually, you’ll grow tired of feeling undervalued by your partner. You might end up resenting the fact that they don’t treat you how you deserve — and you deserve more than someone’s minimal effort.

How to know if someone is giving you the bare minimum?

Once your emotions get entangled and involved, it muddies the waters and it’s hard to recognize when someone is stringing you along.

Here are some signs to look for that might indicate someone is only giving you their minimum viable product — and not the whole deal.

They communicate irregularly.

They don’t commit to plans.


Everything is always last-minute, or they blow you off with language like, “Let me see how this week goes first,” or “I’ll get back to you and let you know.” Sometimes these are legitimate responses if they do follow up and do end up making plans. Other times, this is just their way of keeping their options open.


These are kinds of excuses rather than saying the truth: No, I don’t want to hang out with you, but I also don’t want you to totally disappear out of my life and I want to keep you around as a future option.

They never initiate anything.


Any time you hang out or do anything together, it’s last minute and not out out.  A date in the bedroom?

You’ve never met their friends.


This one is tricky, because some people are really protective of their friends and their family, and they like to save the introductions for when they know they’re with the right person and the relationship is more serious.


However . . 


If you’ve been consistently dating for a decent amount of time, say, six to eight months, I would hope that you’ve met at least one friend — even if it’s only a brief, “Hello, how are you?”

They don’t ask you questions.


When you do talk, it’s mostly them talking about themselves or their life. They don’t ask you questions because getting to know you is the furthest thing from their mind. They aren’t thinking about you, and they certainly aren’t interested in getting to know you. They’re not there for you — they’re there for them and to meet their own needs.


The talking constantly or the silent listener — don’t ask questions and don’t make the effort to get to know you. They just show up for the dates and checked the attendance box.

You don’t really talk at all.


Going along with not asking questions is when you don’t really talk at all. When you spend time together, it’s mostly just watching Netflix, going to the movies, or hooking up.


If there’s little to no conversation when you hang out and your relationship is purely physical, there’s a chance the other person is bare minimum-ing you.

Ban the bare minimum.

On the flip side, have the maturity to recognize when you’re bare minimum-ing someone else and remove yourself from the situation — especially if that person really likes you and is really invested. It’s not nice to lead someone on. I’m sure you can remember the last time someone you cared for did it to you. It probably didn’t make you feel so great.

This checklist isn’t comprehensive and it’s not a guarantee, but any time I’ve noticed any of these things in my relationships, it’s been a red flag that inevitably comes up again later and causes problems.

Be ready to recognize the signs early and call your partner out if you think they’re not committed to the relationship. It could save you a lot of hassle in the long run.

Lost

Let me get lost within the sight of you. The promise of your presence and the ecstacy that I know you can expertly conjure.

My barely contained ability to maintain my propriety until the moment to shed pretence.

Let me get lost within your kiss. The thick tongue that demands control. My mouth yielding submission to your power. My hungry kisses my answer of consent.

Let me get lost within your skin. The feel of it as I run my hands along the length of your body. Your body a magnet that binds  my own to you.

Let me get lost within your lust. In the physical pleasure of you. The carnal rush that leads to the sweetness between my legs. Hips grinding and begging for you.
 
Let me get lost within your thrusts. The hard brutality of your. Such harsh consumption of my body.

Lost and gone as I fall into such sweet deaths.

La petite mort.